bradley

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The fine art of procrastination

or stuff I wrote when I should have been writing something else


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BBC Merlin rpf: "Mull"; pg13; Part 2 of 2
realmerlin
reveuse2

Title: Mull
Rating: pg13
Pairing: Bradley/Colin
Warnings: erm, would you believe, angst?!
Spoilers: a few for the plot of "The Island"
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, The Island, Colin or Bradley, unfortunately. I just made it up.

MULL - PART 2 of 2

By the time the ferry drew near to Mull, Bradley wasn’t in the mood to be impressed.

He’d spent most of the interminable journey – how could it take longer to get to a Scottish island than it did to fly to Los Angeles, for fuck’s sake? – considering whether accepting or refusing Colin’s invitation was the bigger mistake. Of course being in transit rendered the answer a moot point, but why not torture himself a little more for good measure? A bit of scenery along the way might have helped stop his mind running the loop tape of every snatched word he’d exchanged with Colin over the last few days – but no. Leaden skies preceded heavy rain and then darkness. He’d had nothing to do but stare out of the train window into the dark, berating his lack of willpower and imagining all the ways there were to fuck this up.

He’d texted Colin to say he’d arrived in Oban and would be over in the morning, but Colin hadn’t responded. Of course, he might already have been in bed when Bradley sent it, and reception was pretty crap around here and on Mull. So it was nothing to worry about. Which was why, after a sleepless night in a local hotel – thankfully possessed of central heating and decent bedding – Bradley wasn’t dwelling on the fact that there was still no answering text, while he trudged head down through the drizzle to the jetty for the last leg of his journey.

According to the proprietor of the hotel, the sea was ‘like a millpond’ today and he was in for a calm crossing and so, with her encouragement, Bradley had fortified himself against the cold to come with a hearty breakfast. 15 minutes into the 45 minute crossing he was cursing her name and wishing he hadn’t eaten anything at all. Ten minutes after that, he might as well not have.

Knackered, nauseous and strung out, Bradley sat on the upper deck of the ferry, staring at his feet rather than the rolling waves outside the window, and told himself firmly that there was no chance Colin would be there to meet him. He’d be working, and this wasn’t a bloody soap opera, with Morgan running along the pier waving while the theme tune to sodding Monarch of the Glen played in the background. God, he felt like shit.

But he couldn’t ignore the buzz that went around the deck a few minutes later and, when curiosity drove him to join his fellow passengers at the fore windows, he was impressed despite his determination otherwise. The bay of Craignure and the mountain behind it loomed out of the spray like something out of history...or myth, Bradley thought with a wry smile. There was even a castle on the headland, grey and foreboding against a pale silver sky, and standing fast atop some impressive cliffs – complete with crashing waves, of course. It was...pretty spectacular, Bradley conceded as he shouldered his backpack, and somehow very, very Scottish. He trailed down the ramp onto the pier where, while he’d dismissed the possibility of Colin, Bradley wouldn’t have been at all surprised to see Mel Gibson in ‘Braveheart’ gear, waiting to greet him.

In the event it was James – ‘Jim if you prefer, son’ – a local man who, by all accounts, was helping out the film crew in pretty much any capacity they needed – in this instance, as unofficial meeter, greeter and taxi service. Having introduced himself, Jim relieved Bradley of his pack, slapped him on the shoulder, and congratulated him on having picked such a calm day for his crossing as they walked to the car. Bradley smiled half-heartedly, added a non-committal ‘yeah’ and let Jim prattle.

By the time they drew up outside Mrs Mac’s – which was actually made out of bricks and mortar, Bradley noted, not wattle and daub – he’d gathered from the older man that a) Colin had got his text, but not until Jim had been driving him to the location for this morning; b) Colin had spent most of the rest of that journey trying unsuccessfully to text him back and c) he’d sent Jim to pick Bradley up and make sure he got safely to the B&B. Bradley was pretty sure there’d also been a d, e and an f, and doubtless countless other alphabetical gems that escaped his notice altogether, but he had phased out somewhere around ‘safely’ and spent the rest of the drive with a stupid smile on his face and a picture in his head of Colin frantically stabbing ‘send’ over and over.

Mrs Mac had clearly been similarly primed to see to his every need, since she opened the front door seconds before Bradley reached it, with Jim following just behind, having insisted on carrying Bradley’s backpack again.

“And here’s young Colin’s special friend,” she beamed at him, beckoning him past her into a granite flagged hallway, “come in, come in, Bradley isn’t it?” He nodded and opened his mouth but she rushed on, “Och, now there’s an unusual name for you, isn’t it, James? Don’t think we’ve ever had a Bradley here, have we? Now, come along and follow us with that bag up to number 3, will you? I expect Bradley here would like to get settled in straight away.” She bustled towards the stairs at the end of the hallway, but Bradley stopped and turned to Jim, holding out his hands to prevent a collision.

“No, really, Jim – thank you. It’s fine, I can manage the bag and I’m sure you must be needed elsewhere.”

The older man smiled and held out Bradley’s pack. “Well, I’ll gladly let you do the carrying if that’s what you prefer, son, but I’ll be waiting for you when you’re done.”

Bradley took the pack and cocked his head, “Sorry...waiting?”

“Oh, aye,” Jim said with a wink, “Colin asked me to see you settled in and then bring you out to him, if you weren’t too tired. Most insistent, he was, that I should make sure you wouldn’t rather rest?”

Bradley hadn’t slept for more than 24 hours, or had a decent meal since London, and after the unfortunate incident on the ferry his stomach was cramping with hunger. But he still found himself saying, “Oh, right, thanks Jim. Yeah, I’m fine...so, if you could give me a few minutes to get changed..?”

“All right then,” Mrs Mac took charge again, “you get yourself into the kitchen Jim, and bide your time while I show Bradley here his room. Then we can leave him in peace to freshen up and I’ll get you both a nice pot of tea and a bite, to tide you over until lunch.” Jim nodded and disappeared through a door on the other side of the hall, while Mrs Mac turned and led the way up the stairs.

The room was large, comfortably if shabbily furnished, and yes, Bradley acknowledged with a shiver as he crossed to the window to admire the view Mrs Mac was showing off, decidedly chilly. “It’s beautiful,” Bradley agreed, earning a beam from the woman beside him. He took in the view over the grassy headland to the sea for a few more seconds, before turning back to the room. “Is that the bathroom?” he enquired, nodding towards the door in the wall opposite the bed.

“Oh, aye,” Mrs Mac crossed the room and opened the bathroom door, “but I’m afraid it’s not private.”

Bradley bit his tongue. What with no central heating or decent bed linen, he might have anticipated having to queue for the bathroom. “Ah,” he said in what he hoped was a tolerant tone of voice, “so, how many rooms share it?”

“Och,” Mrs Mac was smiling again, “only the pair of you, see,” she indicated a matching doorway on the other side of the bathroom, “that’s through to number 2. I’m sorry about the inconvenience to you both, right enough. I’ve been leaving this room empty, to give the lad a bit of privacy, you’ll understand – he works so hard, poor thing – but I’ve a full house, what with all the film people staying here, and nothing with an en-suite left at all, so I asked him if he wouldn’t mind, and he said no and that he didn’t think you would either. Is that right, Bradley?”

He stared at her for a moment and then shook his head. “Sorry, I’m...er...a bit tired, after the journey. So, I’m..er..sharing the bathroom with..?”

“Young Colin, of course. He said you wouldn’t mind.”

Of course. He smiled wanly. “No, that’s fine. Thank you, Mrs Mac.”

She nodded. “Well then, I’ll leave you to it while I put the kettle on. Now is there anything else you need before I go?”

He cast an eye at the bed and its suspicious lack of...plumpfiness. It was worth a go, since he was almost certain Colin would have been far too polite to mention it. Rather be found dead of hypothermia beneath the paper thin blankets than risk offence, that one.

“Well, actually, there is one thing,” Bradley turned his most charming smile on his new landlady and let her bask in it for a couple of seconds before he continued, “I’m afraid you’ll think I’m a terrible soft southerner, but I get really cold at night. Even at home in balmy old Devon I just can’t sleep unless it’s under a ludicrously high tog duvet, so I was wondering... whether you might have some extra blankets, say...three or four?...or even an...er...eiderdown or something? I hate to be a nuisance but I’d really appreciate it.”

Mrs Mac’s right eyebrow had climbed during this speech and a puzzled frown had taken the place of her smile. Did she but know it, Bradley thought, she was doing a passable impression of Richard right now.

“Hmmm,” she said, regarding Bradley a little incredulously, “I wouldn’t have thought a strapping lad like you would feel the cold. But I suppose you’re right,” she shrugged, “if you’re used to an overheated house we can’t be expecting you to acclimatise to normal temperatures in just a few days, now can we?” Bradley, seeing he might be onto a winner, chose not to contest the overheated reference, but kept up the smile. “See now, blankets...” Mrs Mac’s frown deepened and she shook her head worriedly. “I’m not sure, with all these guests, that I’ve got that many to spare.” Bradley’s smile wavered but Mrs Mac’s brow suddenly smoothed and her nut brown eyes glowed with inspiration. “A duvet, you say?”

Bradley nodded wistfully, “Yeah.”

“Well I don’t know about tag ratings,” Mrs Mac responded, “but last year I had some American guests here for nigh on three weeks. Exploring the highlands and islands they were, lovely people.” She waved her hand,  moving herself along, “Anyway, on the second day they disappeared off, sightseeing I presumed, and Lord preserve me if they didn’t turn up in a taxi later with a couple of ruddy great...” she cleared her throat, “excuse me, Bradley, a couple of those huge duvet things, and covers and all. Seems they’d been perished the night before but didn’t want to put me out. Blowed if they hadn’t gone all the way into Tobermoray and bought the lot.” She shook her head. “And of course, they could hardly take them back on the plane, so they insisted on leaving them here. She even said I ought to try one out for myself, the besom!”

“And you’ve still got them?” Bradley said encouragingly.

“Oh aye, somewhere about the place. I’ll look one out for ye, no problem.”

“Maybe both?”

The brow climbed again. “Now Bradley, that canna be healthy...”

“Oh, no, Mrs Mac, not both for me. I think...well...Colin might...”

He winced at her crestfallen expression. “Och...you’re no’ telling me...oh, the poor skellie lamb. Now why didn’t he just say something?”

Bradley smiled and shrugged. “I don’t think he wanted to offend you, Mrs Mac, and I sincerely hope I haven’t?”

“Nah, dinna fesh yerself,” she chuckled and patted his arm on her way out of the door, “it’ll all be right by tonight. Wouldn’t do for you two wee softies to be cold, now, would it?”

 

It was gone 11 by the time Bradley and Jim reached the stretch of shoreline where filming was taking place. You couldn’t call the strip of rock-strewn shale a beach, Bradley thought as they trudged along it, but it had a kind of bleak beauty that absolutely conjured up the mood of the book.

Which he’d bought as soon as he’d agreed to come up here and then, feeling ridiculous, had thrown angrily into a drawer. He’d never been a great reader and what the hell did it matter whether or not he knew the story? No-one, including himself, would give a toss one way or the other. Except that he was curious to see what had hooked Colin, what kind of a man he was playing. Bradley had finally given in the day before he travelled and then ended up rushing his packing and almost missing the train. It was harsh, compelling, unlike anything he’d read before...and he could absolutely see Colin in every vulnerable, volatile turn of Calum’s head.

It was a bit of a hike along the water’s edge. The drizzle that had followed Bradley from Oban had stopped but a cold wind sliced in off the sea and cracked against his face like the tip of a whip. By the time they reached the spot where the cliff turned back on itself, and were asked to wait by a bloke with a radio, Bradley’s cheeks were smarting. Waved on once the take was over, they rounded the bend of the cliff and came upon the crew.

Adjustments were going on and the shouted instructions, and shale crunching underfoot as equipment was moved around, masked Bradley’s arrival. The director was crouched by the rock on which Colin and his co-star perched and both actors – huddled into puffa jackets, hoods up – were listening intently to her. Bradley moved closer and the AD clocked him, smiled and nodded questioningly towards the other three. Bradley shook his head to indicate he didn’t want to interrupt and slunk off to find a spot that wasn’t directly in Colin’s line of sight.

Within minutes they were shooting again, the actors stripped of their protective gear seconds before the board came in. Colin’s hand trembled slightly as he poured steaming tea from a thermos and Bradley shivered in sympathy. But then they were into the dialogue, Calum was telling the story of the seal girl, and Bradley was lost.

They cut, went again, then re-set super fast for Colin’s close-ups. Colin was deep in conversation with...what was her name, the girl playing Nikki?...Natalie, that was it...so Bradley risked sneaking behind the monitor. They rolled, the camera focused in, and Bradley watched Colin dissolve into Calum. His face filled the screen, eyes wide and mouth slightly open as he stared out to sea; chapped lips, damp with tea, pursed around a roll-up; a flash of irritation, then hurt, in his eyes as he stopped his tale and threw the dregs of tea from the cup onto the shingle. Brek shouted cut and Bradley released the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. A pulse throbbed in his ear.

He registered movement around him, heard Brek call for an early lunch before they moved on to the next set up, and stepped out from behind the monitor.  The AD was standing beside Colin, nodding back in his direction, and Colin turned and spotted him, his smile so huge Bradley swore it was like the frigging sun coming out. Colin came trotting over, still grinning as he came to a halt in front of Bradley.

“Hey, how long have you been here? Why didn’t someone let me know?”

Bradley watched Colin blow into his hands, then rub them together for warmth. He shoved his own fists deeper into his pockets, resisting the urge to move closer. “I asked them not to. S’okay, I wanted to watch.” He paused, looking at Colin, then said quietly, “You were...really great, Col.”

Colin shifted from one foot to the other, the smile playing about this mouth much smaller now. “Thanks,” he said softly, and then, “It’s good to see you, Bradley.”

The words released him and suddenly his arms were full of soft padded jacket, squeezing to find the slim form beneath, and the hard line of a frozen cheekbone pressed against his temple. “And you mate, and you,” he mumbled into Colin’s hair.

They drew back, grip retreating to more neutral territory, not quite embarrassed enough to let go. The wind whipped Bradley’s hair around his face and his eyes stung. “Fuck, it’s cold.”

Colin laughed and slung an arm around his shoulders, pulling him against his side and then propelling him up the shore. “Come on, you soft Sassenach. Let’s get some lunch to warm you up.”

The lunch wagon was so ruddy warm that, having eaten, Bradley had to fight the urge to fall asleep. It didn’t help that the break was extended because it had started pelting with rain, and since the next thing to be shot was a continuation of the scene they’d just done, they had to wait for it to stop. Bradley sat in the narrow seat, Colin’s shoulder pressed against his, and blinked slowly, attempting to keep track of the conversation. He was pretty sure he must look gormless but he was too tired, too warm and too comfortable to care.

The next thing he knew, Colin was gently shaking him awake. “Bradley? The rain’s stopped, I have to go.”

He lifted his head from Colin’s shoulder. “Oh, god, sorry...sorry mate...”

Colin braced him, made sure Bradley was awake enough to sit without support before he slid out of the seat and stood up. “It’s okay,” he smiled down at Bradley, “it’s a long journey. Why don’t you stay here and get some more shut-eye while I do this next bit?”

“No, no,” Bradley spoke through an enormous yawn. “Sorry,” he shook his head, shivering himself awake, “I’m okay. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

A cold draught slid around Bradley’s ankles and someone called Colin’s name from the door. “Okay, if you’re sure?” Colin asked and Bradley nodded. “Fine, I’ll see you down there in a while, then.” Colin grabbed his coat and was gone.

The remainder of the scene on the beach didn’t take long and Brek, wanting to take advantage of the pale sun that had now emerged from behind a bank of cloud, moved them quickly to another location for the rest of the afternoon. Bradley was amazed at the speed with which the crew broke set, bundled into cars and vans and reassembled at the other end. The pace at which they filmed ‘Merlin’ seemed leisurely by comparison.

He watched Colin climb down from the back of the van where he’d been changing his costume and set off across the grass, nodding for Bradley to join him. As they drew closer to where the crew was assembled, Bradley looked around in sudden recognition. “This is the view,” he turned to Colin for affirmation, “the one from the bedroom window.”

“Yep. Told you Mrs Mac’s was handy. Is your room okay?”

Bradley frowned. “It’s fine, Colin. I’m not Prince bloody Arthur.”

Colin grinned. “I got that. You don’t mind about the bathroom though?”

“Sharing a bathroom never did Kirk and Spock any harm.”

“I thought you said Trek was rubbish?” Colin raised an eyebrow.

“It is, but Tony insisted I work my way through the classics.”

Colin chuckled, “Well I’m glad it’s okay with you, Captain, my Captain. I think Mrs Mac was worried about keeping us both happy.”

“Mrs Mac and I have an understanding,” Bradley said enigmatically. “And this will work out, provided,” he lingered sternly over the word, “you don’t use all the hot water and you...you know...” he flapped his hand, “spray after you lay.”

Colin laughed until he cried and had to have his make-up re-touched. Everyone else waited, bemused, because every time either Colin or Bradley tried to explain, they cracked up again. Eventually, he calmed down enough to get back to work. He turned towards the patch of reedy grass where Natalie sat waiting patiently for him and then looked back over his shoulder at Bradley. “You’re bad for me, James,” he grinned, “but I’ve missed you.”

It seemed entirely appropriate that Calum spoke of druids that afternoon. And when they got back to the B&B, and Bradley showed a gobsmacked Colin the surprise waiting for him on his bed, he began to think that maybe he could weave a little magic of his own.

 

The early evenings were the hardest. During the day, Bradley faded into the background, happy to watch Colin mesmerise the camera. He was used to hanging around between takes, waiting for his turn, and this didn’t seem much different. But after the day’s shooting was over, and the company sat down for the evening meal Mrs Mac and her ladies from the village prepared for them, Bradley felt out of synch.

Everyone was welcoming, and the first night had been full of questions about the two of them meeting and their experiences working together on ‘Merlin’. Brek and Emily, her co-director, even enquired about his future projects. But they were a close-knit bunch and each had their part to play in the ritual dissection of that day’s work, and the discussion of the next, that took place during the meal. Bradley felt distinctly surplus to requirements. Some of them had looked a bit surprised to see him on set the next morning, as if they’d expected him just to pop in for the day and then bugger off home again. After that, they just left him to get on with it.

He stuck it out for the moments with Colin. For the times between when, hands wrapped around a hot drink, they shared a joke, or Colin worried about the last take, or the next one, and seemed to genuinely value Bradley’s opinion. And for the times after supper, when life became more familiar, because it was just about the two of them, hanging around in each other’s rooms, running Colin’s lines or watching the TV, sharing a beer until one – usually Colin – fell asleep.

And then Bradley would nudge him, push him towards the bathroom door, listen to him brush his teeth and flush the loo, and then lie in the dark and wonder what he was doing here, thinking he should leave and knowing he wouldn’t. Because then it would be morning, and the sound of the shower running, and Bradley ignoring Colin’s call that he was finished, lying there with his eyes closed and his heart pumping until the bathroom door clicked open, and Colin’s hand was on Bradley’s bare shoulder, hair dripping onto Bradley’s chest as he grinned down at him and called him a lazy sod, and Bradley grinned stupidly and agreed and followed Colin’s naked spine and the jersey underwear rucked up against a damp buttock, while Colin walked back into the bathroom and then disappeared through the other connecting door. And then Bradley would climb into the shower and run his hands over himself under a spray that was far too cold for someone facing another day of Scottish weather.

 

Four days in, with the forecast dry for the weekend, the company opted to work through to get some vital scenes in the can, then take their rest days when the rain closed in again. Saturday’s filming was intense, a long, complex conversation between Calum and Nikki, ending in a pivotal moment for both characters. By unspoken assent lunch was brief. Colin was quiet and Bradley understood, content to forego their usual banter in favour of sitting side by side in the sunshine with his friend, feeling him build his energy for what was to come. And after they wrapped for the day, and Brek asked if she and Bradley could swap places in their usual rides home so she and Colin could talk, he consented without comment.

Colin was mute during the evening meal and Bradley assumed he was still winding down, but when the conversation moved to the next day’s schedule and Colin rose abruptly from the table and excused himself, Bradley followed him. His knock on Colin’s door went unanswered at first but he persisted, was rewarded with a quiet, “Give me a few minutes Bradley,” and then retreated to his own room to wait.  

It was about half an hour before the bathroom door opened and Colin walked into Bradley’s room, head downcast. He came over to the bed where Bradley was lying and sat down with his back to him.

“Sorry.” Colin’s voice was strained.

Bradley turned on his side towards his friend and propped himself up on one elbow. “What for?”

Colin shrugged. His back was bowed, T-shirt stretched tight against his body and Bradley could count the vertebrae all the way down his spine. “Being a moody sod.”

“You’re entitled,” Bradley said levelly, “today was pretty full on.”

Colin shook his head. “It’s not about today.”

 “What, then?”

“She wants me to do a scene again.”

Bradley frowned, “From today? But there was nothing...”

Colin shook his head. “No, one we shot last year. The weather was shit and they’re not happy with the footage they’ve got. That’s why Brek wanted to talk to me on my own. She knew I wouldn’t be happy.”

“I can see it’s a bit irritating, Col, but I don’t understand why you’re so upset.”

Colin’s shoulders rose and fell in a sigh. “It took forever. So many fucking takes, winding myself up for it, over and over. And then, finally, it felt right. And now she wants me to do it again, because of the fucking light .”

Winding himself up for it? “Which scene is it?”

“It’d take too long to explain.”

“Not if I’d read the book.”

Colin twisted around and looked at him. “You read the book?”

“Yeah. To show support. So?”

Colin studied him a moment, then glanced down. “The Little People...”

Bradley’s pulse skittered. “Ah.” He pushed away the memories of a whole day crammed into half a faux toilet cubicle with a camera in his face and a half naked woman clinging around his waist. Yes, Colin’s scene was intimate but it was about as far from a comedy moment as you could get.

“I can see how it’d be tough to that over again,” he reached out, laid his hand gently on Colin’s arm and tried not to over interpret when Colin jumped at his touch, “but you’ll nail it, Col. You’re amazing as Calum. Perfect.”

Colin shivered. “I just wish I didn’t have to do it again.”

Bradley squeezed his arm. “Is there anything I can do to help? You want to run the lines or..? He trailed off lamely. Oh, smart one Bradley, you stupid fucker.

“I don’t think so.”

He winced, removed his hand from Colin’s arm. “No, okay. Look...I see tomorrow’s going to be difficult for you, so if you’d rather wasn’t there, I’ll understand.”

Colin looked up at him, his expression tight. “Would you rather not be there?”

Bradley hesitated, feeling the ground shift beneath him. “This isn’t about me, Colin. I want to do what will help you most – whether that’s being there, or staying away.”

“Why would I want you to stay away?”

Bradley closed his eyes for a second, took a breath before opening them again. “Because it’s an intimate scene and having the crew there is bad enough without anyone else standing around gawking at you? I don’t know – you tell me.”

“Do you,” Colin breathed, his eyes drilling into Bradley, “gawk at me?”

Bradley rolled away from him and sat up. “Fuck off, Colin. I’m trying to be supportive and you’re...what...taking the piss out of me? Fine, I’ll stay here tomorrow, okay? Maybe I should use the time to pack.”

The bed dipped and he felt a touch on his shoulder. He shrugged it off angrily.

“I’m sorry,” Colin whispered, breath hot against the back of Bradley’s neck. “I’m sorry.”

“What do you want from me?” He asked without turning around.

“Stay, please.”

Bradley waited for the pulse to stop thundering in his ear. He drew a ragged breath. “All right,” he said quietly. “You better get some sleep.”

The bed dipped and Colin was gone. In the morning Bradley made sure he was first in the shower.

 

The wind had dropped and, in the shelter of the glade, with sunlight filtering through the pines, the air grew preternaturally warm, thick with the promise of fairy tales and forbidden desire.

Bradley, grimly determined, watched Nikki lead Calum towards their abyss, saw her lie back on the fairy mound while the camera, like a voyeur, followed the path of Calum’s thin fingers as he mapped her contours. Knowing what was coming didn’t help. Sick with Calum’s longing, Bradley crept out of sight among the pines and vomited onto the forest floor.

“So, you’re on the first ferry then?”Colin walked beside him up the narrow track, hands in his pockets.

“Yeah,” Bradley was careful not to brush against him as he side-stepped a puddle, “have to be to make the connection.”

 “Sure you can’t hang on? I’ll be done by tomorrow or the day after, max.”

Bradley shook his head. “No point,” Colin glanced sideways at him, “we’d have to split at Glasgow anyway, ‘cos you’re going home.”  

He’d made the bookings as soon as they got back to Mrs Mac’s yesterday but accepting he had no choice didn’t make the thought of leaving any easier. Nor did his last day being a rest day and Colin’s insisting they go somewhere on their own, if it ever stopped raining.

“It’s...” He turned when Colin’s voice trailed off. His companion stood staring unhappily at his feet.

“What?” he asked.

Colin kicked angrily at a stone, chipping it into the puddle ahead. “I was going to say it’s been good having you here, but it hasn’t has it? You’ve been miserable.”

“That’s not your fault,” Bradley said firmly, “and I’m not sorry I came. Leave it, yeah?”

He continued up the track, Colin following silently in his wake until they came to a stile. “This is it,” Colin said, clambering over and then stepping out of the way so Bradley could jump down, “Lochbuie stone circle.”

The jagged, lichen-spotted stones stood in the centre of flat, bracken-strewn space. Beyond the circle, two further stones – one much taller than the rest – drew the eye across woodland towards a mist-wreathed crag in the distance.

“Told you it was awesome,” Colin’s lips curved into a gentle smile at odds with the pinched look around his eyes.

“Yeah,” Bradley looked back towards the ancient circle. “C’mon.” He ran towards the stones, the damp bracken springing back so strongly beneath his feet that it almost felt as if he didn’t touch the ground at all. He alighted in the centre of the circle and watched Colin walk towards him, the autumn sun at his back forming a halo around his friend’s body.

“Don’t you know anything?” Colin said as he reached him. Bradley lifted a questioning brow. “The circle,” Colin gestured at the stones surrounding them, “approach with caution; enter at your peril and all that.”

Bradley looked down at himself, then allowed his eyes to graze swiftly over Colin as he raised them again. “We appear to be unharmed.”

“But at any moment we could be whisked away.”

“Away where?”

“Anywhere, or anywhen.” Colin took a step closer and Bradley squinted against the backlighting that obscured the other man’s expression. “If you could make a wish, go any place, or any time, where would you go, Bradley?”

Bradley choked out a small, hard laugh. “Is this the point where you tell me you can do magic, Colin?”

“Don’t evade the question.” Colin’s eyes were still intent on his face, and he knew his own expression, unlike his companion’s, was perfectly lit.

He closed his eyes. Not that it made any difference, but it felt easier somehow. “I wouldn’t go anywhere.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m where I want to be. And tomorrow I have to leave.”

He turned away and marched out of the circle towards the marker stone. Slipping into it shadow, he pressed himself against the rock and held on, feeling the cold flow into him. He heard Colin’s footsteps approach and stop but he remained out of sight. Only when Bradley felt the fleeting touch of frozen fingertips against his wrist did he realise Colin must be leaning against the other side of the stone.

“Don’t fucking apologise again, Morgan, or I might have to hit you.”

“All right.” Colin’s voice didn’t sound particularly steady and Bradley wanted to beat his head against the damned rock. “What do you want me to say?”

Bradley tipped his head back, felt the pitted surface scrape against his scalp. “I don’t know. Give me a bloody history lesson like you usually do. Anything...anything that gets me on that ferry knowing we’re going to be ok when we meet back in France next year.”

“If today...was the winter solstice,” Colin began hesitantly, “the sun would be about to set directly in line w-with this stone. And the druids who worshipped here would all be gathered, because their m-magic would be at its...its strongest...” Colin stumbled through the words and Bradley thought, oh fuck, oh fuck. He slid a hand round the stone and the fingers that meshed with his were shockingly warm.

Colin’s breath hitched. “At sunset they’d incant their most p-powerful spells and wish for the things closest to their hearts. To be strong, to make the right choices...”

“Don’t...” Bradley tried to drag his hand away again but Colin held on, crushing the bones of their fingers together.

“...and if they were blessed, if the spirits of nature smiled on them, they’d be granted the courage to sp-speak the truth...and to act on it.” Colin closed his fist like a vice around Bradley’s wrist and dragged him round to his side of the stone.

“I’m afraid,” Colin stared wildly, his eyes catching the golden light of the sinking sun, and Bradley felt hysteria gather in the back of his throat, “of giving in... to this. But I don’t want to let you go.”

Bradley shook with the effort of prising himself from Colin’s grip, of holding himself separate. “I don’t want you to give in to anything, Colin. Do you understand?”

Red and gold flames danced across Colin’s skin. “You don’t understand,” he stepped so close that Bradley could taste the words on his tongue, “I want to give in.”

And then he was tasting them, and all the crazy fucked up feelings behind them – the copper of blood, the salt of fear and the sweetness of lust – and it was too much, much too much, to resist when Colin spun them around and pressed him up against the standing stone, when he thrust a thigh between his legs and scooped out Bradley’s soul with his tongue. But Bradley didn’t care, because somewhere in the midst of all of that he knew...that it wasn’t about letting go or giving in, because this, this, was as elemental as the air they sucked from each other’s lungs and the earth under their feet; as inescapable as gravity.

They staggered back along the track, drunk with the knowledge of each other, feeling their way in the near dark, and certain of nothing more than the promise of warmth at the end of their journey, left by others who had passed this way before them.

 


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Oh God. This is so good. How is this not everywhere? How are there not a million comments? You are so, so good.

Thank you - you're very kind. No-one reads my stuff at my journal, which is why there aren't any comments here. I don't have time to write much fan stuff (big job and big original-novel-I'm-supposed-to-be-finishing) but when I do (and I do so love to write it) I post it to communities. This one was up at BradleyColin and MerlinRPF when I first wrote it. It garnered a few nice comments - not millions though :) I'm really happy you discovered it and liked it so much.

Ahh, I see. I wondered if perhaps you were just hiding it from us all and I had discovered a hidden gem. ;)

You are really, really insanely good.

I'm blushing now. ;) Seriously, I think it's the odd praiseful comment on my fanfic that keeps me going with the book. I am frequently convinced that everything I write is shit. So it's lovely when people find the fanfic I've written, that's got buried way down the comms, and enjoy it.

Well, based on this, I would definitely read your original fiction. :)

Better finish that Merlin Movie fic and get on with the monster then! Thanks for the incentivising. :)

I really love how you characterised the boys here and how taut with tension the entire fic is. The OCs were wonderfully rounded, I adored how it really felt like we were traveling along with Bradley to Scotland as well. This is such a gem of rpf. Lovely work!

Thank you (again) - I'm so pleased you liked the OCs (I had particular fun with Mrs Mac). As for the journey - I've never actually made it, but I'm relieved it sounded real! :)

I loved this so much--Bradley's indecision, the tension/mood that's sustained throughout, and the details like signing off with an 'x,' the B&B, the ferry. I was really impressed by how all the things you mentioned that I wanted to know more about--like the texts, the blankets, the shared bathroom--were woven so well throughout the story. The duvet scene! So funny and sweet. And the shared bathroom--I was so excited when Mrs Mac mentioned that, and then it was lovely with Bradley listening and waiting and watching.

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story, and Mrs Mac (I have a soft spot for her, LOL). Thank you for your praise.

Ah, beautiful story. Lovely ending. You can just feel the tension between them all the way through, standing on the precipice.

thank you - i love it that people are still finding my story and taking the trouble to comment. and I'm very happy you enjoyed its tension and resolution.

ah, now this one i read (and probably commented on when you posted it where ever you posted it), and i must have followed a rec, since i don't read much rpf.

i'm with ems in that you are insanely good. if i stalk you will you pm me when your novel gets published? i promise not to tell anyone in the real world you write such beautiful fanfic. i swear :D

And here was me awaiting a lovely comment on 'Mull'. :P Seriously, at the risk of repeating myself, I am insanely flattered by your comments. Stalk away, but please remember what I said about being patient. RL interferes with my writing to such an extent that it's sometimes many months between fan fics, and I've been trying to finish my novel for 5 years! But I'll get there one day. And if you're there,too, I'll be very, very pleased. Thank you for all your praise and encouragement.

you and your writing totally deserve every word. ♥

and i completely understand the whole rl thing and lack of time for fanfic writing. i imagine i'll still be lurking around here in the years to come even if i get less active, and i'll still love your writing even if i've only seen these examples. i would love to see more from you, but i'm not one to weep and wail and expect these sort of jewels to be dropped at my feet regularly.

am glad my babbling praise brought a smile, it's the least i could offer for the journeys your fiction sent me on. thanks again for that. ♥

I couldn't pass by and not leave some sort of comment on here. This...this is just a beautiful piece of work - not only the characters - we obviously love Colin and Bradley - but the writing and the scenery and just oh so much love for this right now. Definitely adding it to my memories and to my favorites of my heart because...wow....just so much goodness!!!!

Thank you so much - I enjoyed trying to capture the mood of the island as much as that of the characters, so your dubbing it a favourite of your heart is such a lovely compliment. (And I so want to visit Mull - let alone finally see "Island"!)

(Well, I've yet to read or see 'The Island' but knowing Cols, he'll be phenomenal!) But, this is the type of fic I love reading as it speaks to the inner and outer writer because you just eat up the scenery and see these two lovely boys against this lush backdrop and it's just so much...yes! Again, well done, you!!!

Pure brilliance!! I swear I felt I was there with them, beautifully done

Thank you so much - you've got my weekend off to a lovely start with your kind comment.:)

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